Respect
by Nooks130
Summary: Angered by Snake's unorthodox ways, Kaz and Ocelot decide to teach him a lesson about respect.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey, quit steppin' on my foot!"

"Well then point the darn MG that way!"

"Hey guys, which direction does the bullet come out of?"

The three Soviet soldiers stood around in their little trench, not knowing that they were being watched.

Snake looked up from his binoculars and smiled. Three more noobs to get rid of in the world. He took out a sniper rifle and noscoped the first two and threw a knife at the last one. They all died while raising the middle finger at him. Then a fourth soldier came out of a tree and started to strip. "What the f***?" Snake said. The soldier was soon wearing nothing but a pair of undies and said, "Come, let us fight like real men, with our bare hands!"

Snake smiled and rocket punched him in the balls. As the soldier lay on the ground in pain, Snake calmly walked up to him and started to crouch up and down. The soldier looked at him confusingly until it hit him- he was being teabagged! And he thought it only happened in Halo!

"Boss! Boss!"

Snake stopped what he was doing and answered the codec. "Yeah?"

"Boss," said Kaz. "Boss, don't do that. That's just wrong."

"No." He started doing it again.

"Boss, seriously, stop that. It's disrespectful. It's not right to do that."

"Shut up Kaz, you're just jealous because you're missing a leg and you can't do this."

"Uhhh, I intentionally have no prosthetic leg because I want to remember my fallen brothers in arms… stop acting so weird Snake."

Snake ignored him. "I yam who I yam!"

Kaz watched helplessly as Snake continued to teabag the wounded soldier and watched him plant c4 charges all over a village. So many lives would be lost.

Ocelot walked in. "Snake still actin' weird?"

Kaz turned to him. "I don't know, it's as if he wasn't the same guy I fought alongside with 10 years ago during the Peace Walker incident. He no longer recruits anyone and seems to kill everybody he meets…that 9 year coma must have really changed him…"

Ocelot scratched the back of his neck. "Uhhh, yeah… about that…"

Luckily, an explosion distracted them and the two looked at the screen. They heard Snake laugh manically and heard him taunt the cries of help by the other poor Soviet soldiers.

Kaz stood up, "That's it. I'm taking Snake back. Ocelot, I want you to train him."

"Huh?"

"You heard me, tell Pequod to pull him back here and I want you to train him not in fighting, but in morals."

Ocelot looked confused. "I thought in war, nobody cared about rules…"

Kaz grabbed him by the collar, "Well _we_ are pro-fess-ion-al. _We_ have a code of honor, and _w_ e follow it, ya big nosed cowboy."

Ocelot sighed as we walked out of the door to the main command center. Everyone _had_ to rub it in. Why didn't he have a regular nose like everybody else?


	2. Chapter 2

Snake jumped out of his helicopter and quickly noticed that a lot of his men were talking amongst each other and were pointing at him. He walked up to Ocelot, who was waiting for him at the end.

"Soooooo… what's going on? Something happened?" Snake asked.

"Snake…"Ocelot sighed, "Looks like I will be your drill sergeant."

Snake's jaws dropped. His eyes widened. The boner he got by looking at Quiet's butt disappeared. No way! This is impossible! He is too good for this! Snake looked at him. "Who says so? Is this because of Kaz?!"

Ocelot nodded his head slowly. He hated being the messenger for these two nincompoops. "Whatever," he thought, "Once they kill that bastard Skull face, and then I'll tell them the truth."

Snake groaned. "Argh! Why?!"

Yeah… Ocelot really needed to get a new job. Working with pussies is not his thing.

Snake looked up at him. "So… tell me about it. What are you gonna 'teach' me…"

Ocelot smiled reluctantly. "Well, Kaz says you need to learn our code of honor. Apparently you haven't been following them lately." Ocelot thought about what he had just said. It hurt his head just thinking about when Snake last used a non-lethal weapon and fultoned a guy. Yup… that was a long time. He always went in guns-blazing with his SVG-76 and killed all that he saw… except the sheep. Only fultoning the sheep. Hell, some sheep even wore Diamond Dogs berets.

Snake looked confused. "I thought in war, nobody cared about rules…"

Ocelot sighed. "Me too, but Kaz says that because we're professionals, we have a code of honor, and we have to follow it."

Snake frowned. "That's batshit…"

Ocelot nodded but he went on, "So… Snake, let's get ready now. See ya tomorrow up in the Combat Unit Platform. I'll…uhh… teach you there I guess…"

Snake watched Ocelot walk away as he pondered how demanding Miller had become. "It's as if he wasn't the same guy I fought alongside with 10 years ago during the Peace Walker incident," he thought to himself, "He no longer jokes anymore or talks about girls…the 9 years I was in a coma must have really changed that guy…"


	3. Chapter 3

Snake walked through the door and into the training facility. He walked up to a waiting Ocelot who stood at the far corner of the room.

"What's up?" Snake asked.

Ocelot eyed him. "What's up? Is this how you're supposed to greet your comrades?!"

Snake raised an eyebrow. "Bruh, stop with the nonsense. Let's get this over with." Snake leaned casually against the wall.

Ocelot tried his best to look serious and demanding, but he was failing terribly. "Uhh, quit leaning soldier! Speak to me with respect! Or else!"

Snake smiled. "Or else what?"

Ocelot quickly looked around and noticed that there were a lot of Diamond Dog troops in the building training with one another. "Hey guys, wanna beat your boss? WELL HERE'S YOUR CHANCE!"

At first all the soldiers looked around in confusion. Then Ocelot added, "I mean, how about we train with the boss?"

Then, a horde of them ran at him with each of their own unique battle cries. Snake simply smiled and threw a couple punches, kicks, headbutts, and a ton of judo-like throws before they were all in an unconscious heap on front of him. Snake turned to Ocelot.

"So… you were saying?" Snake taunted.

Ocelot left the room. He swore that guy was on steroids.


	4. Chapter 4

"HE WUT?!"

Ocelot sighed. He really needed to talk to Zero and the real Big Boss about his new job on taking care of these babies.

"Commander Miller," Ocelot continued. "I swear, that guy is on steroids, or his testosterone levels are naturally **that** high."

Kaz groaned. "Did you at least go over the rules with him?"

Ocelot scratched the back of his head. "Oh yeah, of course!"

Kaz raised an eyebrow. Ocelot sighed, "Fine, I admit it. I forgot to. He was simply too strong for 28 full grown soldiers ok?"

Kaz stood up suddenly. Ocelot looked up. "Huh?"

Kaz turned to the radio and rung up the security force. "Security? DD security, are you there? Good, I want you guys to bring the boss here in the Command Center immediately. Thanks. Good bye."

Ocelot looked at him confusingly as Kaz turned around. He smiled, "Let's practice medicine!"

"Huh," Ocelot said.

Kaz took out a syringe which had a strange whitish liquid in it. "I contacted Code Talker," He spoke, "about what was happening to Snake these days. How he wasn't acting like his old self and how he always was kind of weird. So… he gave me some of this to inject into his blood stream; it should then restore him back to normal."

Ocelot eyed the liquid. "Looks like semen to me… you sure that isn't Code Talker's jizz from jerking off?"

Kaz smiled. "It kind of does look like it. But old men don't get erections."

Ocelot couldn't nod in agreement before a trio of DD security guards walked in escorting Snake. "Hey guys," Snake greeted, "Y'all needed something?"

Kaz smiled as he walked toward his friend. "Yup, just wanted to shank you very much!" Kaz said as he stabbed him with the syringe.

Snake widened his eyes in shock as he watched the clear liquid go into his bloodstream. He looked up in fear, "What's that?" He grabbed Kaz, who was laughing hysterically, "Start talking bitch!"

Kaz smiled, "It's my jizz! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ocelot nodded. "I knew it was someone's sperm."

Snake threw Kaz at two confused DD Security guard and threw another DD Security guard into the bookshelf, knocking over both books, wine bottles, and a monopoly box. "Fuck you! Go suck a dick!" Snake then screamed, "How do you get this out?!"

Kaz smiled, "You won't but I'll inject more if you keep acting this way! Treat others with respect and fucking fulton something other than a god damn sheep! I hate them now because of you! Go into missions with a non-lethal weapon now! Use stealth more often, and quit acting so weird!"

Snake screamed, "I will for now on! I swear!"

"Good! Now be gone! I want to see you do missions the Diamond Dogs' way!" Kaz exclaimed.

Snake ran out of the room and for the first time in a while, grabbed a WU silent pistol and a M4 rifle that shot rubber bullets. He jumped inside his helicopter with D-Dog and flew away back to Afghanistan.

Meanwhile Ocelot looked around at the confused security guards, the still laughing Miller, the broken bookshelf with the unconscious sentry, the puddle of wine over him, and the empty syringe that once contained Kaz's jizz in it, and sighed. He wondered why everyone here wasn't in a mental hospital.


	5. Ayy

I've decided to delete chapter 5 to 8 since a person pointed out that currently, this story isn't going very well. Originally, I intended to only write a 4 chapter story, the ending was when Snake jumps into his helicopter and leaves Mother Base for a mission.

But 4 users P.M-ed me and told me I should continue. I was reluctant to do so, I only planned out 4 chapters and I was in the middle of writing another fanfic for a different fan base. But I thought, "Why not give it a try?" and wrote these last 3 chapters.

Obviously this story was so bad that it gave some people cancer. Lol

I also deleted some reviews because there was a lot of profanity in them. A person still attacked me saying that I was being a hypocrite for saying I had freedom of speech/media and yet deleted all of his/her reviews. Well, I would have kept them if it weren't for all the cuss words.

So the story is now complete, only 4 chapters thankfully. I didn't like the last few chapters and neither did the majority. Sorry you 4 guys/gals that wanted me to continue the story. I never had the heart to do so and you could tell at my lazy writing.

Now since this is over, please don't bug me to stop writing the story again because I've stopped the story now. I will not delete the entire story however because maybe the community will go back in the future and will enjoy my writing. (Probably not though)

Well with that said, I'll be going back to play some CS:GO. Sorry for all those who hated my story and for those who wanted me to continue. I agree with the people who didn't like my story, the more recent chapters sucked.


End file.
